i write poetry, and i post it here, but i have a lot of drafts, because i'm far too lazy to go comment on other people's poems to upload my own. you can go to the website to see all my super awesome poetry that i've posted, and here to see the super awesome or potentially sub-par drafts that i haven't posted!

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》zip《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

a little fish zips across the waves
blue and yellow, small and cute
an adventure awaits
its small fins will carry it far.
too far.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》nothing i (we) do matters.《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

nothing i do matters,
as i lower my head
as i rise from the skies
as i drag on the ground
as my flanks fall then rise
❥
nothing we do matters,
as we lower our flags
as we drip from the sun
as we drag on the ground
as we tear free and run
❥
in the grand scheme of things
in the greatest demise
in the grandest of statures
in my heart in my eyes,
❥
i feel great shards of goddesses
large cracks of light
filling empty broken voids
proving things will be alright.
❥
nothing remains,
❥
nothing is left
❥
but a old tattered brain,
❥
and a book on a shelf.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》rest your head, darling《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

there's nothing left but rotting flesh
there's no one here but boiled beer
there's no man dead upon the red
there's none to fear while i am here
❥
but when i'm dead do rest your head
and when i'm gone please still be strong
when nothing's left but rotten flesh
and no one's here but boiled beer
please send me to the future friend
and never send for me again
❥
nothing graven on my face,
a raven on my open grave
a ravenous bird, a cavernous wood
carcass stuffed inside so rough
❥
but when i live do see me give
my life to those whose lives i own
the owner is the ownéd one
and time itself has now begun
it starts again again again
there's nothing stopping this resend
❥
there's nothing left but rotten flesh
there's nothing here but spoiled tears
there's nothing there up in the air
there's nothing there, and i don't care.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》dream《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

waking up, i grabbed my bag, prepared for years, just sitting there waiting for the day. her words echoed through my ears. "he's making you into a pet. just like all the rest." i had jolted awake at the sound of them. i grab a key from the wall.
carefully, quietly, i opened the back door, creeping out like a cat into the night. i checked my watch. two am.
❥
suddenly, i remember what i'm planning to do. running away? but i feel so safe in this house, i feel so alive in this house, i feel so much better in this house, i could just stay forever. but i'm not safe, i'm not alive, i'm not better. i'll have to go back one day. i unlatch the gate. that's why i'm taking a walk. i'm taking a walk to clear my mind. i'm taking a walk so that i can walk back and go back to living peacefully in a home i don't belong in.
❥
i slip out the smallest crack in the gate i can manage, and sneak up to my bike leaning against the wall. i unlock it, and shove the key and lock into my overfilled bag of supplies. i awkwardly climb onto the bike and pedal as hard as i can towards the familiar path to work.
❥
a few minutes and i hit atlantic avenue. this is where i can choose where i want to go. i start biking down the road when on the street i pass by an old friend. i stop and get off the bike.
❥
"[name]?"
❥
he stares at me with a strange expression.
❥
"how do you know that?" he whispers, eyes wide.
❥
"it's me. [name]."
❥
his eyes widen even more so. "oh my fucking god! it's you! what? how did you get here? why did you leave florida? how did you find me?"
❥
"i could ask you the same things. except the finding you part."
❥
"i realized my people were out here. y'know, liberals. i don't belong in a red state. i saved up, and took a flight here as soon after i realized that as i could. your turn."
❥
i smirk as i repeat what he said. "why did we ever stop talking? i forgot how much i loved talking to you." he wonders.
❥
her words flash through my mind, as prominent as if i heard them aloud for a second time. "he's making you into a pet. just like all the rest." i pause. "i don't recall."
❥
"then let's travel together for the moment. where are you headed?"
❥
silence.
❥
"i'm running away."
❥
more silence.
❥
"...what?"
❥
"i'm running away from my aunt and uncle. i love them, and they make me the happiest i've ever been, but i'll have to return to my parents one day if i stay in contact with anyone in the family. i can't do that."
❥
"your parents. if i recall correctly, they weren't the best to you. overbearing, emotionally abusive, etc."
❥
"yes."
❥
he stares at me for a split second. "then let's go."
❥
"what?"
❥
"let's go. i'm helping you escape."

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》love will loom, upon the darkness《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

fate will fly and love will loom
upon the darkness, through the gloom
❥
no matter what, the light shines through
please understand, it's all for you.
❥
not for the world, nor life, nor love
itself, nor for the sky above
❥
there's nothing here for me i'm sure
lone and tranquil is my world
❥
the beauty of a swan's song
the layers here of right and wrong
❥
do puncture through my solemn heart
and tear my fragile world apart
❥
the only thing remains my mind,
love with it all that i find
❥
my bleeding heart is not the source,
my love comes from the mind, of course
❥
there is no future here or there
in which i love from heart's betrayal
❥
the future's wish i hold in truth
to be extension of our youth
❥
succumb to love of every kind
despite the love you leave behind
❥
the individual becomes
a gentle breeze, and soon will run
❥
into fear, and doubt, and love, and hate,
into the arms of waiting snakes
❥
the constant fear of life unlived,
of future broken, sad, and shriveled,
❥
will never frighten wounded ones
for we'd elsewise never see the sun
❥
spread my wings and start to fly
not from a cage but from the sky
❥
realization hits my past
this was always meant to last
❥
fate will fly and love will loom
upon the darkness, through the gloom
❥
no matter what, the light shines through.
no matter what, it's all for you.
❥
i can't place what i wish to find
all i know is love, straight from the mind.
❥
from my heart, love of humankind
the existence i so deny
❥
a thousand loves, a thousand eyes
one and only one reminds.
❥
two more couplets, eyes will burn
and pages soon will start to turn
❥
but love and hate are one and same
and i will never hate the rain.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》pain《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

work out, numb the pain
climb trees in the rain

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》I -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- Prelude《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

every god i've given faith to has said one thing to me.
"an apple promises death," and then they've ceased to be.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》II -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- Bar'lageev《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

my god had hit me once again for disrespecting rules,
i ran into the garden and there i found my cool.
among the leaves upon the ground i found a strangest root,
pulled upon it and i saw a single bulbous fruit.
peeling off a layer of skin i felt my troubles leave,
so i returned to godly home and spoke to Bar'lageev.
i said to her, "be not so mean, as i have forever faith,
you, i know, do not have so, to you i am a wraith."
she sighed, her lowly voice spoke that, "you are right i know,
but nevertheless i regret to say that i must fin'lly go."
❥
more troubles had thus arose and so i ran again,
my feet stumbled and so i splashed into a puddle then.
before me laid a shining white and green colored bulb,
i recognized it and with hope upon it's skin i did pull.
my troubles left, i walked back home, there before my eyes,
a god i'd never seen before, a new one, i surmised.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》III -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- Al'a-troyce & Ka'orad《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

"my child," spoke the man, in a gentle, calming voice,
"i'm here for you, i died for you, my name is Al'a-troyce."
for months we lived in harmony, he brought another god,
a man who went by many names, we called him Ka'orad.
i shared my faith between the two and never lost it once,
but Al'a-troyce, one day, broke and yelled at us.
"i have suffered all this time with your naïvety,
and never once have i complained, but now it's time to see.
my child, you have never once listened to my cries,
and Ka'orad has always been both my ears and eyes!
i've seen through lies of your profound, unending faith,
you've never felt it, never dealt it, i am but the eighth!"
❥
with this i ran into the garden, water flowing out as tears,
and intended thus to find the greatest of all spheres.
i found it then, the onion of the disappearing pain,
and peeled another layer off so i could breath again.
when i returned, dear Ka'orad was all who then remained,
and he spoke to me in such a voice that i could tell was pained.
"my child, please, i wish that i could stay upon your bed,
but cannot stay within these walls if Al' won't rest his head."
"he's left?" i choked out, beckoning, for Ka' to come and sit with me,
"he has." he solemnly shook his head and then began to leave.
i learned to live alone from then, for about a year or more,
and suddenly i heard a knock upon my homely door.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》IV -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- Jar'lodin《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

opening it up i saw a god, and content as i could be,
i feared the future pain he'd cause, between you and me.
skeptical, i asked his name and purpose being here,
"i am simply Jarl'odin, the god of forest deer."
never having known the purpose of the gods before,
my curiousity piqued and i wanted to know more.
i took him in and after months of my faith, his happiness,
he began to break skin over time, from months of scratchiness.
he'd hurt me when i questioned, or when i startled him,
but never out of nowhere, 'til that day, nothing i did.
one time, he woke me in the night, and told me he was cold,
dying, even, needed something warm to drink or hold.
i offered drinks and blankets but he only stared, and sighed,
then drove a knife into my arm and drank the blood it cried.
❥
tears erupted from my eyes and from my mouth came a scream,
i pulled the knife and ran away, cursing his name obscene.
into the garden, stumbling, as he gave chase with speed,
i took the time to glance 'round for a root of white and green.
as i grabbed it, dove into a bush and began to peel,
once it'd fallen on the ground i simply ceased to feel.
returning to my home with him gone as gone could be,
a friend of his was in my room, i grabbed the knife, you see.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》V -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- Prot'laka《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

"Jarl'odin is a friend of mine, but i'd never be like that,"
he explained to me, taking off his coat and hat.
"my name, you see, is Prot'laka, and i would never hurt,
i'm the god of peace and i'm the god of the dirt."
trust took me some months, but i spoke about my past,
and Prot'laka was gentle with the words he said, at last.
one sad day i cried to him about my feeling down,
and his face revealed a truth, a distant, worried sound.
"i cannot stand beside you now and hold you from your life,
it won't help you now anymore, it'll only bring you strife.
i leave now not because of anger, hatred, or the like,
but because i have more faith in you, more reason not to strike
❥
than you feel for yourself, i know," i cut him off and disappeared,
the garden welcomed me again, knowing that i peered
into the corners of the world looking for that onion dear,
i finally saw the bulb, now white, and peeled it very near
to the core and to the center, where i saw a faint red glow,
but problems solved, i went back home, saving the rest, i know.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》VI -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- Ko'nar I《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

several more gods appeared upon my doorstep then,
but none caused me any more pain than i'd already been.
finally i met the god that seemed to be my match,
Ko'nar of the broken sea, of fire, and of wrath.
by this point i'd convinced myself that faith just wasn't real,
and so i never trusted what i thought that i did feel.
but deep within i wanted more than i was letting on,
full faith and desperation, i thought i'd fallen for his con.
fearful of my situation, i went to the garden,
and peeled the final layer back, to reveal my sin.
an apple lay upon my hand, a gentle red fruit,
and thoughts they flooded through my mind, reminders of my youth.
❥
words said by many, time and time again. a phrase that gods had said,
a simple sentence, very short, "an apple promises death."
❥
looking at the single fruit with questions in my mind,
i determined that this couldn't really be an apple's kind.
apples have no layers, they don't appear onion,
you cannot simply peel a skin, reveal a different plant within.
taking a bite, i felt my body begin to float,
not lifting off the ground, just on an illusory boat.
i ate some more and everything around me stayed the same,
then once i'd eaten the whole thing, a small voice called my name.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》VII -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- El'sif I《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

"now you've eaten it you'll see, you know the truth now,
they'd tricked you into believing that it would hurt you, i vow.
but now you know the real meaning of the apple's light,"
said the snake, upon the dirt, slithering into sight.
"why have they lied, dear snake, i do not understand,
i thought they had same faith in me as i'd laid in their hand."
the snake came close and whispered then, "they aren't there, you know,
they never were, i never was, it's only you alone."
my eyes widened as everything around turned into black,
then further into darkness 'til i couldn't just go back.
i screamed into this emptiness and then there came a voice,
my voice, i spoke back to myself, "pretend to make this choice."
two words appeared before me, floating in this void,
"die," and "live," i shook my head, but my free will was destroyed.
my hand then raised and pointed to the word that read out, "live,"
and suddenly the world returned, the snake gone, such a gift.
❥
i returned home and to my surprise,
a familiar face stood before my eyes.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》VIII -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- Ko'nar II《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

"where have you been, i've worried sick," my gentle god does say,
"you disappeared, my child, for many, many a day."
i laughed and shook my head at him, "you never cared a cent,
you wish you did, but you aren't real, you're only in my head."
his face revealed a sadness that i'd never seen before.
his feelings never made themselves clear like this anymore.
he was my match, he was like me, he hid them deep within,
so i saw them and was shocked, driven wild by my sin.
"you ate the fruit." he said sadly, and turned away from me,
"it didn't kill me." i replied, "it only set me free."
he began to sob and covered up his face,
"leave my garden. leave my home. get out of this place."
"yours?" i spat out, "this is mine. i have lived here."
"i created it, long ago. i created you, i fear."
i never thought you'd find me here but find me you did well.
i never thought i'd meet you 'gain but then i tripped and fell.
i stumbled out of my home and landed on your step,
knocked before i knew just whose home it was," he wept.
❥
i stood in shock. was this true? could he be God himself?
walked to the door and exited, without another word of help.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》IX -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- El'sif II《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

wandering the open forest beyond the garden gates,
a cough began to emerge, and i felt a slithering snake.
finally, from my throat, a single apple seed,
and once again the snake's voice came and spoke to me.
"fallen again, into sin, and never found your love,
but you were hurt and pestered and taken advantage of.
you hurt so much, but not because it is that you deserve,
you hurt because you fail to trust, you hurt because you hurt."
❥
at this i smiled, quite painfully so, and realized i had grown,
and turned back toward the garden, returning to my home.

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

》X -- Pr'avsey, the Human -- Ko'nar III《

༻┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉༺

as i reached the gates, Ko'nar stood inside,
and looking through the bars he cocked his head, squinted his eyes.
"i thought that i said you should go," he solemnly advised.
"Ko'nar, i believe in you, i have faith and i love,
so why do i forget that i came from up above?
i fin'lly found a god that supports me and my heart,
and all i did to that feeling was tear that love apart.
i didn't mean to, i regret, i feel the pain you felt,
and now i come apologize and hope your heart will melt."
with a sad and empty expression, his eyes slowly closed.
"you can't return, the gate is locked, i am decomposed."
examining his visage closer in this time,
i saw his face had sunken in, his face covered in grime.
pained by heartbreak i had caused, i lowered down my head,
and reached into my belt and pulled out something he would dread.
i lifted up the knife and silently resigned,
and in that moment, time was done, nothing left alive.
❥
if he were real, he would have spoken, after my demise,
"an apple promises death," with bowed head and lowered eyes.